If you want to ensnare your partner’s undivided attention in particular that of your ex, then flirting is definitely key to the success of your new relationship.
But you can’t just have at it, you need the right information to flirt the right way otherwise you could be sending all kinds of mixed messages, especially if you aren’t aware of what you’re doing.
Why is flirting so important?
If you were to break down flirting to its scientific components, it’s the universal non-verbal language of communication. It’s how we interact and socialize with one another as human beings and how we meet potential mates.
Flirting expresses interest and is usually the pre-cursor to a relationship.
You’re about to learn the top 10 flirting “do’s” that can help you snag your ex partner’s undivided attention all over again.
1. The Physical – how to get off on the right foot
Give yourself a running start by beginning with your physical appearance.
The last thing you want to do is to meet your ex with custard stains on your good shirt or not having had a shower first. The time you take to groom yourself speaks volumes of you and shows that the other person was worth the effort.
Flirting is all about non verbal communication and beauty is in the eye of the beholder so give yourself a good head start by ensuring your physical appearance is up to scratch.
Wear clothing that compliments your style and personality and body shape and are wearing something that will not only help you feel confident but also comfortable. The last thing you want to worry about is regretting wearing a pair of pants or a top that may be a little too tight and end up making you feel self-conscious that you’ll be too distracted by it to even concentrate on your flirting.
2. Body Language
What you don’t say is almost as important as what you do say. It’s incredible how much we can interpret non verbal cues as we do the verbal ones.
When it comes to your body language be aware of how you convey yourself, how you come across and how your ex portrays you.
For example folded arms and crossed legs send the sub conscious signal that you’re closed off and have no interest engaging in conversation with anyone, let alone them.
Keep your arms unfolded. Make them an active participant in your conversation. For instance if you’re not too sure what to do with your hands use them to express yourself as you speak but don’t overdo it or you’ll end up looking like a weather presenter.
If you’re sitting at a bar, use your hands to hold the glass in front of you or to run your fingers over your necklace which subtly draws attention there without it seeming too obvious.
When two people are engaged with each other they tend to mirror each other’s body language, this can often be so under the radar you don’t often notice it unless you pay attention. If your ex begins to mirror the way you sit, your body position and changes subconsciously when you do, then they’re showing definite signs of interest.
3. Hold Eye Contact
This is an important one but if done incorrectly can seem a little creepy. You have to practice this one in the mirror to get the technique just right. Holding eye contact is important to set you a part from every other person having a general conversation with your ex. Eye contact shows you’re interested and engaged, yet on the flip side if done incorrectly can send the wrong message and make them feel uncomfortable.
Hold eye contact with them in 3 to 5 second bouts, then look away. Don’t hold your stare for more than 10 seconds at a time or you’ll come across as gawking or worse, daydreaming.
Another great way to break up the stare is to look at their face in a T-Shape. Dart between left and right eyes when making eye contact and drop your gaze to their mouth, just for a moment. It clearly shows your interest and that you’re scanning their face in detail and taking it all in, all without overdoing it. Your eyes are subconsciously telling them you’re interested your attention is completely invested in them.
Don’t forget to smile, a smile though a simple gesture can speak volumes non-verbally. Smiling not only makes your ex feel desirable but they feel acknowledged and that you’re interested in what they have to say. So don’t forget to smile, it doesn’t have to be an ear to ear smile of the Hollywood variety just something subtle and not too over the top. Less is more, you want to win them back so you have to maintain a certain amount of mystery so that you can get to know each other all over again.
5. Look for Indicators of Interest
This is such a great way of gauging the interest of your ex without the fear of rejection of asking them outright if they still have feelings for you. It may not be the appropriate time to ask them to re-evaluate their feelings toward you and sometimes it’s best to just play it safe, especially when you’re just starting to get to know each other again. You want them to wonder where you’ve been all their lives and to do that you need to play it cool. So without going down the verbal route and asking at point-blank range if they still have feelings for you, learn to de-code their body language and read the non-verbal signals for yourself.
Here are a few signs your ex still holds a candle for you & few signs they may feel uncomfortable.
Everybody likes a little flattery from time to time and compliments are no exception. Only give them if you mean it, there’s no point in giving a fake compliment, be genuine or they’ll see right through it. Compliment them if they look good, their hair, their dress, their smile, their confidence. If you’ve been a part from your ex for a while, compliment the changes that you see. No doubt they worked hard to make those changes happen so acknowledging this will make them feel validated.
Flatter, but make it genuine. If you try to flatter a woman with the “beautiful hair” comment and she knows full well it looks like a bird’s nest she’ll be able to spot your compliment like a fake diamond. Women have incredible “spidey sense” when it comes to stuff like this so don’t underestimate them for a second.
7. Keep them Hooked
In other words, don’t be a bore. What ever made your ex snooze in your past relationship should be avoided at all costs in the new, improved version.
Be exciting and engaging, don’t waffle on about what you ate for dinner last night or that you’ve gained a few pounds since the break up or are trying to re-salvage your life after the split. Maintain that element of mystery and show another side to yourself. Show them what they’re missing and leave them wondering where this exciting person has been the entire time. Part of being captivating is how well you listen and how well you can recall details.
If you just vaguely stare and nod that’s not necessarily taking in and retaining information but if you can work what your ex shared into the conversation it shows that you actually listened. Something that will leave a lasting impression on your ex.
8. Don’t Be Too Keen – Quit While You’re Ahead
If you hit it off again and things are going great, don’t be overly keen to jump back into the relationship. Always leave with them wanting more. That way you’ll be on their mind and they’ll anticipate seeing you again.
Remember this is a new beginning, take your time and keep them interested by being just a little inaccessible without being too aloof. In other words, it’s all about striking up the right balance meaning that you can’t always make it to everything, you want to show them that you have a life outside of them yet they’re still important enough to make time for.
9. Be Yourself
You should always be yourself, after all that’s why your ex fell in love with you in the first place. Just be the best person you can be. You don’t want to take on a completely different persona only for your ex to find that it’s not the real you and feel deceived. Just be you.
10. Practice makes perfect
If you don’t hit it out of the park the first time, that’s okay. There could be several factors at play that are outside of your control. Perhaps your ex was distracted or maybe you were a little off your game, whatever the reason tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to dust off your flirting skills.
It’s not always easy, being in a relationship for a while you tend to forget how to flirt but see this as an opportunity to sharpen your skills and to get back out there again with full confidence.
So there you have it, 10 easy to follow flirting tips that will help get you back in the driver’s seat, keeping your ex spellbound and winning over their complete and undivided attention.